My Little Lynx
Watching his health decline over the last few months has been heartbreaking. He lost weight, his eating habits changed, his energy level changed ... and a few days ago he stopped eating. In my heart I knew this was him saying that he was done trying but I brought him back to the vet to get a professional opinion. I wanted to know from an expert if it was inhumane to keep him alive. This is was a very tough subject for me. I decided that if he continued not eating or drinking, we would have no choice but to do the humane thing and let him go to sleep. I was prescribed a medication that helped increase his appetite, but unfortunately, he wouldn't take the medication. I knew for certain it was just a matter of time.
Last night his breathing was even worse so I decided if he should not pass on his own during the night, I would put him to sleep today. I called around to see if someone could do a home visit - we scheduled a visit to euthanize him at 11am. All morning, he found refuge under the bed in our guest bedroom. Around 9am, I wanted to sit on the back porch with him because he loves it out there. I got him out from under the bed - oh, my heart ached not being able to comfort him more.
We sat down on his favorite rug on our screened porch and he started (for the first time in a long time) meowing. I was on the phone with my mom and through tears told her, "Mom, I think he's passing." I got off of the phone to focus on him -- to tell him how grateful I was to have him in my life and that I loved him. And, within a minute, he passed on.
I'm so grateful I was with him when he took his last breaths, I'm grateful to have had my hands on him to offer comfort and love. I am so, so, so glad he did not pass alone. We were in his favorite place -- in the fresh air on the rug he loved so much. I'm incredibly sad to have lost him but am so glad for the conditions in which he passed.
My mom & honey both mentioned something about his passing to me. Ric said that he was probably waiting for me to come get him from under the bed so he could be with me. He passed within minutes of picking him up and sitting on the porch with him -- maybe it's true. My mom told me that he must have known about the appointment to euthanize him. I'm glad I didn't have to euthanize him though. I felt like today was the day and I'd like to think he somehow let me know (and I heard him). I know animals are intuitive and I also know that it's possible to communicate on a spiritual level. No matter what, I'm simply grateful that I didn't find him under the bed and that he passed alone - and I'm grateful that no stranger's hands were on him as he passed. And, I'm also glad that my hands were the last to touch him as his body was placed in the earth.
I realize that my sadness over losing my wonderful tailless cat is because I'm sad for myself - I miss him. And, I have to remind myself that he is no longer suffering, he is at peace, his spirit and energy are still in the world around me. I do wish he had a longer life. He was only 9 years old and some cats get to live more than 2x his lifespan. However, I know it was his time to go ... My daughter's first word that was attributed properly was because of him: "kitty" which she pronounced "itty." So, thank you, Lynx, for inspiring my daughter's first word.
I am sad to have lost such a wonderful cat who has been such a joy in my life. He was one of those cool cats who even non-cat people friends of mine would tell me how much they liked him. He'd come to the door when I came home, he'd sleep on a pile of clean clothes as if to remind me to put them away (funny dude), he'd sit in boxes (often with his fur poofing out of the sides of the boxes that could barely contain him because he was so much bigger than them - LOL), sit in my luggage as I'd pack for trips, sitting on my keyboard and text books as I worked my way through college, hiding in my Army gear, drinking my water on my nightstand as if I was leaving him fresh water (LOL), reminding me every morning at 7am that I should wake up and feed him (LOL) .... he was such a good little buddy. He was one of those awesome cats who behaved very much like a dog -- I could put him on a leash and take him outside for short walks in the yard. We could take car trips together. Yes, oh yes, he was a cool little dude.
I will miss him so very much.
Lynx: May 31, 2005 - May 17, 2014
(I do not know his birth date because he was a feral kitten when he was found on a golf course in Illinois and I adopted him into my family. I gave him a birth date of May 31 as just a date to celebrate.)
|I love the adorable ways he'd fall asleep.|
|Lynx after getting his summer hair cut -- I called it "shingles" because of the pattern|
on his back reminded me of the roof top shingles.
|Lynx sitting in my luggage.|
|Lynx playing wild.|
|Reminding me to put away my clean clothes.|
|I called his blue harness his "bra" - he was so tolerant of wearing his|
harness and leash outdoors.
|Of all the window views he loved, he really loved living in Florida the most.|
|And the places he preferred for naps ...|
|Sleeping with his best buddy, Taiter.|
On Joy and SorrowKahlil Gibran
Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.
And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.
And how else can it be?
The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.
Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter's oven?
And is not the lute that soothes your spirit, the very wood that was hollowed with knives?
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy.
When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.
Some of you say, "Joy is greater thar sorrow," and others say, "Nay, sorrow is the greater."
But I say unto you, they are inseparable.
Together they come, and when one sits, alone with you at your board, remember that the other is asleep upon your bed.
Verily you are suspended like scales between your sorrow and your joy.
Only when you are empty are you at standstill and balanced.
When the treasure-keeper lifts you to weigh his gold and his silver, needs must your joy or your sorrow rise or fall.