Little Steps ... Back in Heels
Pregnant a few years later and the same thing again. Wearing my little one while chasing my growing toddler was a horrible combo for heels. They were impractical. As a stay-at-home mum, it just seemed like a waste to even venture back into high heels.
Fast forward a bit of time ... last July I started refocusing on what I want, what makes me happy, what I physically want of myself (now that I'm done being a creator of life and nurturer of life as a milk maker). It's not an easy journey delving inside and sorting through my thoughts, emotions, desires, wants, needs, etc.
I named my journey Goddess Vibes because as a feminist who wanted to find more self-love and self-acceptance the name was a sensical approach to the love and awareness I sought.
I started doing handstands.
I started doing yoga again.
I started running (a bit more recently because running with extra weight is no fun. Needed to evaporate the pounds a bit before pounding the earth with my feet).
I lost some pounds.
I also started dressing a bit differently.
Let me elaborate on dressing differently.
When I felt ashamed of my body, the mere act of getting dressed was a tough one. I'd put something on and not feel proud of it. No matter what I wore, I felt anything but pride in my appearance. No ounce of make up helped, no pants felt fabulous, no shirts or jewelry. All of it resulted in "meh." It sucked!
Working out helped a lot. I also turned a corner with the weightless and fitness. I realized that how I viewed my body was different than it currently was. The way I do this is to take pictures of myself so I can see my body more objectively. A timed selfie worked great. I'd do handstands and set a timer. It worked. I started seeing improvements. I started feeling more confident. I started seeing progress. And, let me tell you, progress feels great!
So getting dressed became a bit more pleasant. Just a bit. (but any progress is good!)
Then the other day I had to head to the store to buy some winter clothes because I'm heading across the pond to a cold little island in Europe for a little getaway. I don't own winter shoes or clothes. I was a girl on a mission.
But then I needed something I could wear at night when we go to a pub or out dancing. Winter-suitable was a must and not too flashy. I'm not trying to be a loud American (in dress or personality) while I'm there. I want to blend ... a little but not too much. hahaha!
I found a pretty pair of heels that are black leather that are also ankle high and are a "reasonable?" sexy heel. While the soles of the shoes were still clean, I did housework in the heels the other day. Sounds silly but I need to get back into wearing high heels. Balancing weight on the ball of my feet is something I could do - for years. All I ever wore (when not hiking or working out) were high heels. I loved heels. I could practically float on heels just like SJP! (And that woman knows how to wear heels!!!)
|How I used to dress. (me in the red)|
Loved those heels!!
Accidentally left them in a hotel in
Major bummer about that.
So, housework in heels sucked. My feet felt sore. I wasn't used to this at all. Then yesterday I went to run an errand and put on a pretty outfit to include the heels. I had on my black leather jacket, a delicate champagne-colored loose knit sweater, black fitted pants, black shades, and my black leather heels. The town had their Friday party downtown and parking sucked. To get to my destination, I had to do extra walking. Sad feet again! Damn!!! Readjusting to heels is a tough transition.
Then I was off to buy some winter-suitable clothes. I found two sweaters and one pair of pants. The size was smaller than I realized it would be. What an awesome surprise!!! I lost weight and my clothing size reflected my progress. Yay!!! OMG. It felt so rewarding to see change. I'm no where near where I want to be but I'm getting there!!
And, before you say that I'm dressing for someone else (why do men think women dress to compete with women?), let me tell you, I am dressing for myself and just myself. Sorry, not sorry. I want to wear heels so I'm giving it a go.
I am bringing the heels with me on my European getaway so I hope that I have some comfort wearing them -- or at least, don't have too much discomfort while wearing them. We'll see.
For now, I have one photo I took of myself yesterday. It's an attempt to feel better, look better, continue stepping outside my comfort zone ... in dressier shoes. All I can do is try. If I end up back in a bikini and flip flops (it's Florida after all) then no biggie. But at least I'm trying.